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Guidance: Full Article

Parents can easily become frustrated when they feel that their children aren't successful in school. Educators understand that frustration. Teachers sometimes feel it, too. Yet, rather than just assume a child could do better, we know it's best to seek out, by all means possible, exactly what each child is capable of doing.

We know that children can live up or down to adults' expectations. If we say to a child, "I know that you can't possibly do better," we are telling him or her to give up. On the other hand, if we set unrealistic goals for a child and he or she tries hard, yet fails, we can do some real damage to that child.

That's why we encourage parents to use the school and its resources to get the best possible picture of their children's capabilities. What parents need to know is their children's capacity for learning, whether they are overachievers or underachievers, how satisfied they seem to be with their present level of achievement, and how well they are functioning with others.

All you need to do is simply ask teachers, counselors, and administrators for help. Remember, report cards often do not tell the entire story. If a child is getting all C's, for example, it is hard to determine whether he or she is doing the best work possible or not trying at all. That's why you must ask school personnel for their opinions.

The information provided by the professionals who know your children well, plus other data such as test results, can be invaluable in helping you set expectations levels for your children. You can call the school counselor and ask him or her to collect data from teachers in regard to grades, attitude, organization skills, and interest in course content. You will get a much more accurate picture of your children from this kind of analysis.

After you have collected this data, you might help your children identify their talents and capabilities, and then encourage them to make the most of their potential.

Pushing children too hard can make them feel like failures. However, not expecting children to achieve at all is equally damaging: They may not reach full potential. But more than anything, children need us to understand, as much as possible, what they are capable of doing. After collecting all of the data possible, and visiting with those adults who influence our children both in and out of school, we need to sit down with our children and get their own views of their potential to see if their views match what we are hearing elsewhere. Then it will be possible for parents and children to decide together on realistic goals for the ultimate satisfaction of each child.

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